Facing Eternity's Absolute Reality: Confronting the Fear of Growing Up
by Ardendae
And throughout every trial and in the presence of every hardship, spirit-born souls are sustained by that hope which transcends all fear because the love of God is shed abroad in all hearts by the presence of the divine Spirit.1
Fear
is a wasteland upon which we human mortals tread. It is not of divine
origin; it is not soft, beautiful, or comforting. It brings not
salvation nor guides us to the Promised Land. It is a soul’s
unwillingness to Face Eternity’s Absolute Reality.
Fear blocks our circuitry and prevents the fruits of the spirit from
fully ripening within our souls. We all wrestle with fear in some form
or fashion; the fear of being alone, the fear of not being able to
support our families, the fear of not being accepted by our peers, the
fear of growing old, and the list goes on.
Had you asked me five years ago to name a fear that kept me from
becoming the woman of God I am destined to become, I never would have
answered, “I’m fearful of growing up and facing the responsibilities
that come with being a woman of God.” But over the years, through the
aid of my elders, I have begun to slowly open my eyes and attempt to
grow up. I’ve struggled with trying to figure out what it means; how
others can so easily see it in me; and how not wanting to grow up
manifests in my attitudes, my words, my actions, my inactions, and my
thought processes. I must admit, I don’t always see it, but nonetheless
as I continue in the uphill battle to confront that fear, I pull up
those deep roots of childish rebellion within my soul.
When faced with the fear of growing old, the first thing that comes to
mind is my vanity, which isn’t all that hard to see or confess. I am
the product of a diseased society of Botox Barbies in which
corporations and the media prey upon the vanity of the consumer to make
a buck. Advertisers present images of unrealistic attainment, and we
women (and men) fall victim to vanity and self-depreciation (two sides
of the same coin) from an early age. We become duped into believing
that with the right cream, exercise program, clothing, diet, or plastic
surgeon, we can remain forever young. With overmuch emphasis on the
physical, the deeper effects take place within our souls, not only do
we want to look young, but we want to remain childish in our selfish
and trivial pursuits.
However, growing up is so much more than coming to grips with the
physical aging process; it is coming to a new and ever-increasing level
of responsibility for others, a maturity and wisdom that sees beyond
the gratifications of the self. Maturity on the spiritual level is
seeing your own thoughts, actions, and inactions as connected to the
greater whole and taking responsibility for them. It is also learning
to see error, sin, and iniquity first in yourself, and allowing the
living spiritual forces to help you overcome those negative patterns.
It is then learning to see those patterns in others, and having the
courage to confront that error, sin, or iniquity in the appropriate
manner.
I am 38 years old, the big 40 is just around the corner. I am blessed
to be in a complementary relationship at this time in my life with the
opportunity to face what is perhaps my greatest fear—motherhood. Of all
things to be fearful of this one may sound silly to most people, but
for me it is very complex. On one hand there is my vanity, on the other
there is my selfishness and in between there is a whole lot of stuff I
can’t even comprehend. I cannot fathom the love of a child and the
greater rewards that every mother says comes with the territory. For me
I know that motherhood will be the opportunity to grow patience,
tolerance, understanding, selflessness, and love for others.
I am a fallen fourth-order starseed from the planet Tora in the
universe of Avalon2.
Two hundred thousand Urantia (Earth) years ago, I lived on another
world in another universe. I was another person. I very likely had a
family and children of my own. I had dreams, and I had a destiny. But
then I was presented with the concepts of the Lucifer Rebellion, and I
swallowed those non-divine concepts hook, line, and sinker. I dismissed
much of God’s absolute truths, buying into the relative notion that I
could ascend “my own way.” Lucifer’s concepts were exciting to me and I
ventured down the road of selfishness. I was then sent to this lonely
and isolated world Urantia to experience lifetime after lifetime of
fallen “nonreality.” It was hoped that I would see the errors of my
ways and grow up.
On worlds of time and
space where rebellion has not infected the fabric of society, men and
women take care of one another, no man/woman is an island, and the
extent to which a soul can enlarge his/her sphere of responsibility is
a measure of that soul’s maturity. When souls are selfish and vain, the
sun, the moon, and all the heavens revolve around them. It is
comforting to one’s lower self to be the center of attention; it is
easy for others to take care of you and for you to not concern yourself
with others because “I’m OK and you’re OK, and it’s ALL good.”
The URANTIA Book
tells us the marvelous story of the Universe Creator Son and Daughter
who are “dad” and “mom” to all creatures of the local universe.
The Son and the Spirit now preside over the universe much as a father and mother watch over, and minister to, their family of sons and daughters. It is not altogether out of place to refer to the Universe Spirit as the creative companion of the Creator Son and to regard the creatures of the realms as their sons and daughters—a grand and glorious family, but one of untold responsibilities and endless watchcare.3
The Universe Mother Spirit never shirks at her “untold responsibilities
and endless watchcare.” She is not selfish and is not ruled by fear.
She is the ultimate role model for us mortal women, yet we need mortal
role models. There aren’t too many women in mainstream society who
possess the graceful maturity to guide us wayward souls into becoming
mature women of God who can then inspire others to shed their cloaks of
vanity and selfishness. The women who inspire me now are not the models
on the pages of Vogue
magazine, the Goldie Hawns, Madonnas, or even the Hilary Clintons of
the world, but spiritually-motivated women such as Niánn Emerson
Chase
and the elders of Global Community Communications Alliance who are all very
beautiful and independent women who love God and others enough to face
their hearts of darkness and to mature with grace.
I could write for days on the topic of the fear of growing up. Each
layer that is peeled away exposes another and another. The true test of
any endeavor is upon reaching a point and looking back to see the
progress you have made. I’m sure in a year or two, I will look back
with the eyes of a mother and laugh at my stupid fears, while
continuing to look forward knowing the struggle isn’t over. In the
meantime, perseverance, trust and faith in my elders, and dedication to
God’s greater plan are the weapons in my personal battle over the fear
of growing up and Facing Eternity’s Absolute Reality.
1 The URANTIA Book, p. 382
2 The Pleiades is in Avalon. See The Cosmic Family,
Volume I for more information on starseed and points of origin.
3 The URANTIA Book, p. 369