How Do You "Do" the Holidays? The Spirit of Giving
by LaTaYea
In the spirit of the approaching holiday season, I wanted to share some thoughts on a few holiday-related things I’ve learned (mostly the hard way) along life’s path.
BLACK FRIDAY — Have you heard of “Black Friday”? Sounds like it should be related to Halloween (with ghosts and ghouls), but actually it’s the day after Thanksgiving (always a Friday, of course), when many Americans kick off their holiday/Christmas season by going shopping. According to one of the many websites that discusses Black Friday, it’s “One of the major U.S. holiday shopping days....[and] is heavily promoted by retailers....The origin of Black Friday comes from the shift to profitability during the holiday season. Black Friday was when retailers went from being unprofitable, or 'in the red,' to being profitable, or 'in the black,’ at a time when accounting records were kept by hand and red indicated loss and black profit.”1
As for me, I can “shop-til-you-drop” with the best of ‘em! And years ago, before I knew better, I used to spend what now seems like ridiculous amounts of money—$400 for a pair of Matsuda pants or $150 for a Mont Blanc fountain pen or $750 for a Louis Vuitton duffle bag or $200 for a belt—trying to keep up with the Jones, thinking I was somehow better than the people who couldn’t afford to do that. In part of my recovering from such stupidity (and arrogance), I turned my love for spending-a-bundle into an adventure in thrift stores and yard sales, seeking to spend as little as possible and finding great (often new) items for as little as a dollar or 25 cents, thinking of friends or family who might need whatever just crossed my path! (I get similar thrills for a lot less now—and you’d be surprised how many of those wealthy people, who bought all that same kind of stuff I did, will sell it for a steal at their own garage sale!) And I learned something else along the way. I learned the value of giving, rather than the value of “having.”
GIVING — giving turns out to be a lot different than I used to believe. I used to think the more I spent on a present, the better it was, the more impressive, and the more value and meaning it had for the receiver. I gave things, not my time or energy or my own possessions. Years hence, giving has turned into something that isn’t always quick and easy (like dropping a wad of cash for some ostentatious present, then being rudely impatient while the store elegantly gift-wrapped it). I’ve come to realize there’s a definite difference between a “present” and a “gift.” One you “pre-sent,” as if to offer your own self-worth on a platter, based on how “good” (or expensive or outlandish) a present you give, while the other, a true “gift”, is thoughtfully designed with the other person in mind. Rather than impacting your wallet, perhaps the gift costs nothing and/or is hand-made or a gift of service (like a massage or shoveling your elderly neighbor’s driveway). I believe one of the highest forms of a gift is the kind where the receiver never even knows who the giver was; you remain anonymous in your gift-giving. Now that’s selflessness!
Ever notice there’s so much awkwardness that comes with the whole giving and receiving of things. When I had more money, it was awkward giving something “great” and expensive to someone I knew couldn’t do the same. Often I genuinely wanted to provide something for them I knew they couldn’t afford but in the process sometimes I think I must’ve made them uncomfortable somehow. In addition, I was a lousy gift receiver, mainly because I had a lot of expectations and personal preferences about what I wanted and didn’t want, from whom, and why, etc. (which frankly all stems from a spoiled-brat mentality and being self-centered). It wasn’t until I experienced living with much less “disposable income” that I began to learn how to receive a gift, without expectations, and for the first time felt the sincere gratitude you have when you actually need something (not just want it). Ahhh, swallowing “humble pie.”
Not long ago my mom told me that one of the Gucci handbags I bought her years ago didn’t impress her at all; she thought it a waste of money. (Why is it moms always turn out to be right about most everything?!) After I got over the sting of the truth, I realized I didn’t really give my mom something she would like (she’s never been impressed with designer labels or anything materialistic). She likes plants and animals, and arts and crafts. I didn’t like any of those things much, and I was trying to impress the whole world, including my mom. Only in hindsight did I realize no one worthy of true respect was impressed, not even me any more.
$HOPPING MALLS — I once lived in King of Prussia, a city suburb of Philadelphia and home to one of the world’s largest malls. I don’t want to tell you how much of life and its adventures (including the great outdoors) I missed choosing to visit boutiques and malls in cities around the country and parts of the world. Historically, “the antecedents of the modern shopping center were the ancient agoras and medieval piazzas of European cities. The industrial revolution of the nineteenth century produced the department store but made cities crowded and dirty, and the desire to improve life by moving away from the city gave birth to the suburb and shopping mall. … The largest shopping mall in the United States was Mall of America in Bloomington, Minnesota, with 4,200,000 sq. ft. and including a seven-acre amusement park, nightclubs, restaurants.”2 Malls average a span of about 45 acres, with Mall of America occupying 78 acres and some larger malls spanning more than 100 acres including their huge parking lots!
But America’s obsession with malls has become global. “Mall of America has become a treasure for the entire state of Minnesota. From planes, trains, and cross-country road trips, Mall of America has become a destination for everything from family vacations, weekend getaways, and even honeymoons. The Mall is now generating more than $1.7 billion dollars each year in economic impact for the state and has put Minnesota on the map as a tourist destination. Tourists from Canada, England, Sweden, Ireland, and Japan come to Mall of America to take in the sights and capitalize on no sales tax on clothing. Once known mainly as a vacation destination for outdoor activities, tourists now flock to the state for shopping. In fact, tourism accounts for four out of every ten visits to the Mall.”3 Isn’t that sad?
Sometimes I think they ought to spell it shopping “maul”—because shopping mauls. Look at what it does to our souls and our minds and our culture and our land, our beautiful natural resources that we all know are depleting rapidly. I think we should go back to the idea of village market squares, where you actually meet and talk to your neighbors, where it’s safe for children to play, where you can feel the warmth of the sun on your face, where the pace of life isn’t the rat race. Why do you think the recent surge in outdoor weekend “Farmers’ Markets” has taken hold? Think of all the millions of acres of land paved-over worldwide for mega-malls and mini strip-malls. That’s a lot of land just to clone yet another McDonald’s, Eddie Bauer, and GAP. Imagine if we created more green-forested parks, with swings and picnic tables and wildlife and grass for just lying in?
HOLY DAYS — I imagine you’re probably aware that the origin of the word “holiday” is “holy-day”—from Middle English “holidai.” (But, apparently, I was absent that day in school when all the other kids must’ve learned this.) Hmmm……the holidays are really supposed to be “holy days.” Wow! That realization put a whole new spin on things for me. Growing up as an only child in upper middle class America, for me the holidays were a time to get off from school (or later on from work) and eat a lot of great food, exchange presents, visit family and friends, etc. Everything was centered around pleasure and aspects of self. The whole “holy” thing was a new concept for me. I had no idea what makes a day “holy.”
So I sought to find out, and the journey began. For me holy means sacred. What makes something sacred can be any number of things. Sometimes it’s the people I’m with—people I simply love just because they’re my family or friends. Sometimes it’s the quiet of a candlelight moment, filled with the simple aroma of incense and soft music in the background. Sometimes it’s a view from a mountain meadow that reaches out to touch the sky from the lush green valley miles below. Sometimes it’s a relaxing hot bubble bath. Sometimes it’s a dinner evening at an elegant restaurant with someone special. Sometimes it’s a herd of elk or a mountain lion that perchance cross the roadside when I’m driving by. Sometimes it’s an awesome architectural masterpiece in an old city building. Sometimes it’s making the time to take a walk, talk, and be with someone who needs a little ministering love. Sometimes it’s a gentle moment in my heart spent with God. I imagine there are as many holy and sacred things in the world as there are people, and then some.
But I never appreciated most of these things until the blur and numbness and addictions of all that materialism stopped blinding me. The old saying that “you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone” is oh so painfully true. I had to move 3,000 miles away from home (for 9 years now) and not have so much cash readily available to learn a few of these lessons. I’m still learning. And I hope to be able to give you something from all I’ve learned, a true gift that could be of use and value in your own life, just by sharing our paths. I pray this year your holidays are truly holy-days, not caught in the spirit of materialism but embraced by the spirit of giving—true gifts of the soul.
1retailindustry.about.com/library/terms/b/bld_black_friday.htm
2history.sandiego.edu/gen/soc/shoppingcenter.html
3http://www.mallofamerica.com/about_the_mall/moa_history.aspx
MONGO—(slang) n. material
or goods
salvaged from items intended for disposal.